IYAHYAS
by Absolute Edge
Summary: Response to Cedues's "Self-Insert Horror Challenge" IYAHYAS takes you through my mind as I'm subjected to violence and trauma. Never done an SI before so, be gentle. Rated M for violence / gore / language / racism / blah blah I'm writing it so it's always M P Enjoy.
1. Pilot

**I.Y.A.H.Y.A.S**

By: Absolute Edge

* * *

"…I challenge you to try to write an **evil self-insert** story of your own."

_- Cedues, The Darkness within One's Self_

* * *

**EPISODE 1**

**PILOT**

* * *

I had a friend back in Bagram, a trigger-puller in the Army, who went by 'Clack.' Told me he got it in marksmen training after botching the third stage in combat weapon malfunction repair. Your weapon jams in combat, sage one: slap the magazine hard to make sure it's seated properly. Stage two: 'rack' your charging handle to expel any doubled up ammo. Stage three: 'crack,' as in fire the weapon. He continuously called it 'clack' and so the instructor began calling him that in jest, but it stuck.

So, Clack and I were hanging out at the smoke pit near the defac and telling me about how he had to go toe to toe with a rag head not too long ago. Throughout the tale he was jittery to the point where he needed both hands to get his cigarette in his mouth and stuttering to where he had to take long breaths between words. He started to wash his hands frequently too, and use hand sanitizer a lot more often as well. Said he got a lot of blood on his hands that day and had to get it off.

I knew something was wrong with him and I tried to help, I really did, but I didn't know who to get in contact with on his side. I let the AF chaplain know and he said he'd look into it but came back later and told me Clack had denied everything. I was worried of course, he was my friend.

Now... I've been using 'was' and 'had' a lot. Past tense and all.

Clack is no longer with us. Took a belt grinder to his hands and ground them down to the bone. That shouldn't have killed him but word from the hospital is that there was such a mess that he kept slipping and slicing into his wrists, opening up his arteries. It was one of those wire wheels too, not a solid disk. Just absolutely shredded his hands and ripped fingers from their sockets.

One of the first responders, a PJ from the neighboring HH-60s who just happened to be passing by the motorpool, said Clack was rambling on and on about how he couldn't get the blood off. No matter how much he tried he just couldn't get the blood off.

Now, I'm not like Clack, I'm not a trigger-puller out in the dirt scouring mountain tops for the Taliban. I'm a mechanic, a wrench turner, an equipment puller, and the list goes on. Yet, I don't think for a second that I'm safe behind the twenty plus foot concrete barriers and layers of barbed wire that separate the base from the endless nothing. Mortar attacks, insider threats, poisoned water and food supplies, there's always something to keep us on our toes.

This got me thinking about sanity and madness. You see, it really is that easy to loose yourself to a darker more sinister thing residing within. One little tragic event, one small death, one terrible sight... and that's it? Apparently so.

Now, this got me thinking... is that true? Is it actually easier to succumb to madness and psychosis then live a life ran by the laws and mannerisms that society dictates as proper? Then _that_ got me thinking, what is it to be 'normal?' Normal is a term to describe the common acts and behaviors of a group of people. Such as driving your car to work in the morning, or chewing food with your mouth closed, or even feeling empathy for someone who's home burned to the ground.

But... what if you don't feel sorry for someone who's house has burnt to ash? What if that makes you smile? What if you wonder, instead, what _they_ would look like burning to death? Fantasizing what that sounds like, smells like, and, Hell, even tastes like? Does that make you abnormal? Does that make you weird? A monster even?

I realized that it doesn't. It still makes you normal because no matter how strange or bizarre people might view your beliefs or thoughts there are always others like you. That's what's so great about us Humans, no matter what you will always fit in somewhere. Always.

Normal is what _you_ define it as.

So, how does this tie into my friends story? Well, he was deemed mentally unstable because of his actions. Why? Because society deemed it so. But, wait a second, _our_ society says this is bad but what about _other_ societies? There are still people in isolated cultures that view self harm as a means to expel violent demons and spirits. Hell, there are still cannibals living on planet Earth.

Does that make them wrong? Because our society says so? Because they're 'primitive' or 'subhuman?' Or are those just words to categorize what we view as wrong or different? And why do we have those views? Because our society says we have to.

So, I believe, madness and insanity are just words to describe people more in tune with their true needs, wants, and desires.

I didn't want to die, but there had always been that little voice popping up questions.

_Wow, you're pretty high up, I wonder if you'd die from the fall?_

_You know, you could strangle this chick and no one would ever know. _

_Could you imagine what it'd look like putting a 5.56 round through the back of his head?_

_You're going pretty fast... bet you could split the car in half on that pole there._

I've never acted on them because I've always had a touch of restraint. I really enjoy living so why ruin my current set up? I didn't choose to die.

The mortar round that killed me landed only a few feet away. Time didn't slow, my life didn't flash before my eyes, I didn't even feel the shrapnel shred my body to ribbons. Now that I think about it... I only remember a great pressure being applied to the left side of my body and a blur of light and color as I flew through the air before my head cracked into something hard and I blacked out... or died. One of those. Even now I'm still not sure which.

But when you wake up after being killed, well, now ain't that a shocker? I died violently and without question and yet here I am lying on my back staring up at a nice orange and red sky, probably in the afternoon hours, thinking all this through.

_Madness comes naturally._

The sky looked nice though, all those shifting colors... shifting... moving... flickering flames... not sunset. There was a fire, a big one, raging all around me.

_Sanity is a chore, a tool of the weak._

I didn't notice the smoke at first, couldn't smell anything actually... or feel... feel things grabbing me, grabbing my arms and legs, pulling at me...

_There's nothing wrong in speaking with the darkness..._

_but should something answer you..._

_smile._

Have you ever blinked and found you were... somewhere else? It's only happened once before. I was walking from my old room to the stairs and right as I reached the first step I blinked and I was on the bus to school. My body went on autopilot for over an hour. And that's what this felt like. Just closed my eyes and opened them somewhere else.

It was like that only worse.

When I opened my eyes... I felt pain. There was pain everywhere! So much pain _holy mother of __**God it hurts!**_The pain hurts and I couldn't move my arms so I screamed my anger. I kicked out at the _-table?-_ in front of me and noticed my horribly deformed leg. I screamed again, it wasn't deformed, it just wasn't me. I looked down and it _wasn't me! This isn't me!_

"What the fuck did you do to me!?" I screamed and snapped my head up to the thing rushing over to me. It wasn't Human either, it was like _this_ thing.

It said something but there were no words, only sounds that didn't make sense. It tried to grab me but I thrashed and kicked at it. I've never been much of a fist fighter but I'll sure as Hell kick the shit outta someone and that's just what I did.

It was a lucky hit really. I had slammed back into the chair and rocked it onto it's hind legs giving me the angle to send a foot at the things head. It wasn't expecting the sudden movement and hesitated which gave me the second to aim. I caught the fucking thing in the side of the jaw. There was a sick, satisfying crack and the thing collapsed straight down in an unconscious heap.

That wasn't enough though, _oh God no_. I leaned forwards and stood up awkwardly. I hobbled around besides the things head _-kidnap me? Fucking hurt me!? You fucking little_- I lifted my leg up high and with all of my strength slammed my foot down on the back of its neck. I did it again and again and again until I finally heard the tell tale snap of broken spine.

That sound... _that beautiful, wondrous sound_... it was music to my ears. I felt relieved of a great burden. I felt released of a tight restraint. I felt... free.

I stood there hunched over a dead thing strapped to a chair and panting to catch breath. The adrenaline rush was slowly subsiding and had cleared my mind of distractions. I noticed my surroundings for the first time, I noticed the strange glowing orange bonds that held me in place, and I noticed the face of the dead thing at my feet.

That face was familiar... it was familiar because I'd seen it before. Maybe not _exactly_ this face but others like it... from a... video game?

I laughed, my own voice surprised me and I gasped. I don't even sound like myself anymore. I sound like... _I sound like the dead thing at me feet_... my disfigured, inhuman feet.

"No... No..." What else was I supposed to say? What in the fuck else was there? I died and woke up a fucking spike head. "No... you can't... this isn't real."

Oh but it was and I damn well knew it too. I fell back into the chair and stared at the table wide eyed and seething. I had just killed a person- no, no that's not right. I killed _something_, not a person, they don't count as people.

_Hnnnngghh_- The pain was back now that the adrenaline had worn off and I looked for an injury but found none. "I-I-I just... _ssssttth_- have to- have to survive now."

_-They're just spike heads they don't fucking count no one will care no one ever does they're not Human they're not important don't fret don't worry about it don't even concern yourself with one more thought on it it'sdeadandyou'renotandthat'sallthatmattersislivingnotlikethislikenormallikeusedtothisisntrealreeeeaassskkzzzzzz-_

Remember that thing? Fuck... about closing your eyes and... then you're not? It, it happened again.

I was staring at my hands, my fucking abominable three fingered hands, and the thick slop coating them. It was dark, really dark, but there was color in it, a deep blue. In some parts it trickled down my long fingers like water and in others clung to my flesh even at the steepest of angles. It was thick, it was runny, it was dark blue... it was blue... it- blood. Yes, that's it, those spike heads _-hhhnnnn-_ Turians... bleed this?

Something else had died at my hands, quite literally too. There were parts of things on the ground too. A bit of an arm here, a hunk of meat there... and blue blood everywhere. But no full body. And why- and where? Aaaand... what am I holding?

"_Hey there."_

"You can't talk... you're dead." I told the decapitated head in my hands.

"_Hnn, you're right."_

"Where is... this?" I asked looking around at the suburban-esk buildings.

"_Where is what?"_

"You know, _here._" I looked back to the dripping head, _"w_here is this? It's not familiar."

"_Well of course not! This isn't Earth."_

"Fuck this place! I want to go home!"

"_So go, who's going to stop you?"_

"You have to help me! Help me get home!" I loosened my tight grip on the head as I realized my claws were digging into the sides. "Sorry..."

"_It's alright, I'm a decapitated head remember? I don't feel anything anymore."_

"I shouldn't be talking to a severed head..."

"_No, that's not the problem here, is it?"_

"No... no it's not..." I took a breath as I awaited the inevitable quesiton.

"_And the problem is?"_

"I'm talking to a severed head... that's talking back."

I swam back to the surface and broke eye contact with then grinning skull and frantically tossed it away from me. The sound of a foreign object scraping along the inside of my cranium echoed mercilessly directly into my brain. _Fffsssss-_ it hurts so much.

There were bright lights in the distance, a city perhaps. So I was on it's outskirts at... it reminded me of an apartment complex in the suburbs and it may in fact be one but... it was only just familiar enough to compare in the most vague sense. Just a long and tall building covered in windows, some were lit up and some were dark. I wonder if anyone saw this, what I did.

I heard a sound akin to that of leaves crunching underfoot and slowly turned at the waist and tilted my head over to one side. It was... a little one. A little child, a female judging by her lack of spikes, that barely came up to my waist was sitting in a corner and hugging her legs to her chest and crying softly.

"Hey, kiddo." I said softly, I didn't want to sound angry or anything.

She gasped and looked up, eyes wide and streaming tears. She said something but I didn't understand and buried her face in her arms.

_"She's afraid."_

"She is, poor little thing." I moved closer to the girl and reached out to touch her shoulder. I wanted to comfort her, she probably witnessed everything, poor little thing. "I... have this strange feeling."

As my fingers inched closer I suddenly began feeling light headed. I pushed through it but as my hand grew ever closer my vision was fading at the edges. But I had to get her, I needed to be sure she was alright. My fingers grazed her arm and I gripped her firmly-

_-nnnnnggh and and and my sight came back and there was blood spraying up the walls and she was dying and her throat was ripped open and I tasted warm liquid and chunks of meat in my mouth and her lips were twitching and tears were streaming from her eyes and and oh God her eyes staring straight into mine straight into my ssssssssttt-_

I let her go and fell back screaming in utter terror. She jumped and cried out in surprise as I frantically scrambled away from her. I fell onto my back and stared up at the starry sky sucking down air. That was scary... some bizarre vision of death, her death. I don't want to kill her. She's just a little girl... just a little girl.

I have to get her away from here, yeah, that sounds like the right thing to do. The right thing... because that means there's a wrong thing. I can't... remember? What was the wrong thing?

Killing her is the wrong thing? Or letting her live? Something... _sssssomething._.. I'll... take her to the police, yeah, they'll know what to do.

"_Or..."_

I felt heavy. Like a grand weight was slowly being pressed down onto my shoulders. It was getting hard to breath. There was this... empty feeling deep down... in my heart perhaps, or maybe my soul? Not the kind of empty where there's simply something missing, no, see that would imply there was something there in the first place, something that could be lost.

"Hey, kiddo...?" I spoke softly and sat upright.

I was feeling... good. I was feeling happy! Oh my God this was so amazing! I started laughing, the girl started crying, and I laughed harder. I gripped my skull and felt my claws digging into its sides drawing blood. It oozed down my fingers and mixed with the ichor already coating my hands and arms.

_"Nnnghaaaaa! Haaahaaaa! You sssskkkould probably -gnehehe- be runing naaaoww!"_

She didn't respond, of course. She had no fucking clue what language I was speaking! Hell, I don't even know if I'm actually speaking a language! I might just be blabbering nonsense and only think that I'm communicating, it could all be in my head. After all I just had a conversation with a fucking decapitated head...

I abruptly stopped laughing and stared at the girl. I didn't know it but I was subconsciously clenching and un-clenching my hands... I felt them moving as the tips of my claws pressed into my palms but didn't actively stop them. I did, however, slap my hands against my thighs and rub them up and down to get the blood off. They left long streaks of blue but managed to pull most of it off before they went back to tightening into fists and relaxing.

"She's seen me. She knows what I look like..." I muttered to myself, "Can't... _can't..._ don't want to be hurt again..." I hissed but it came out a snarl and I felt my legs tense in preparation to lunge forth to grab her and... and what the _fuck am I thinking?_

_"Nononono_ this isssnt right!" I turned and ran away from the girl. The little baby girl whom I'd just fantasized butchering in my mind.

_"This is probably a mistake."_

"None of this is real, it can't be real!" I didn't stop running, I was in such disbelief that I had been seconds from harming a child. It didn't matter that it was alien, or that none of this was real, that should _never_ cross my mind.

_"Well, better get used to it or you're gonna get dead real quick."_

_"Skksssaaah-"_ something hit me in the side and I went down at an awkward angle landing hard on my leg.

I rolled and staggered onto my feet to see what hit me. It was another spike head, he was on the ground groaning and spitting angry sounds. There was another, a female, on her knees helping him up.

They both looked over at me at the same time and froze; their eyes wide in shock and mouths cracked open slightly unable to produce sound.

I took a breath and screamed at them, "What!? What the fuck are you looking at!?" They flinched and scrambled away from me in terror. It was probably my nudity and disgusting appearance that gave them pause for thought but it was my blatantly violent behavior that scared them most.

The male reached into his coat and a thousand alarms exploded in my head. I lunged and as the slim black object slipped from his coat my foot made contact with his head. That was a good kick, snapping his head to the side and making additional contact with the concrete.

He was out, not dead _-not yet-_ just unconscious. The female screamed _-nonono too loud people will hear __**SHUT THE FUCK UP!**__- _I tackled her to the ground the crushed her throat in my hands, my claws digging into her throat drawing a slight trickle of blood.

"_Sssstop_ stop just shut up shut the fuck up _pleeeeeaasssee_?" I was spitting as I tried speaking through clenched teeth, my spittle mixed with the blood flooding from around my claws. She was trying to speak but no she just wouldn't give up I just want her to be quiet!

"Just," with all my strength I drew my fingers in deep and clenched them to fists around large chunks of her throat, "_be_," I pulled in either direction ripping the flesh apart, "_**quiet!**_" I felt the muscle give followed quickly by everything else.

A massive puddle was forming around the dying spike head's neck, her lips were trembling and one of her eyes were twitching slightly. My hands started to tingle and I relaxed them, I had balled them so tightly they had dug into my own palms and grazed the bone.

It was quiet now. Finally, it was... peaceful.

For some reason my jaw hurt but it wasn't because of the pain from earlier, that had faded to an irritating throb now, it was more like a pain caused from extensive muscle strain. I rubbed my jaw and realized that I was smiling. I had just slaughtered one, two... _three_ people in the span of... an hour maybe? And I was smiling.

There was a sound, a soft groan, and I looked over my shoulder, grinning wide all the while. The male was coming around, that might be an issue. I crawled off the dead female and examined the item the male had pulled from his coat. I picked it up, it was hard like plastic but it really reminded me of a wallet of sorts. Not a weapon, he was probably trying to give me his money so I'd leave them alone.

"Fucking spike heads." I said as I brought my foot down on the male's neck. That was a hard hit and I knew by the sick sound that emanated from beneath my foot that no more strikes were required.

I stood up straight and tilted my head back to stare up at the stars above and took deep and slow breaths. "Just... remember IYAHYAS... I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't murdered anyone, aliens don't count as people. IYAHYAS... that's all that matters now..."

I rolled my head and cracked my neck, it was pleasant, and I bent down and picked up the man's card-wallet-thing. I went to pocket it out of habit but caught myself short remembering that lack of clothing... I stared at the man for a moment. He's about the same height as me... Have to blend in, have to be _normal_. After a brief undressing of a warm corpse and a momentary lapse in apparel donning I managed to get myself dressed.

I stood besides the bodies and thought about what my next course of action was... I had to lay low until these murders went cold, or at least lukewarm. There had to be some underground shit around here, some black market merchants to help hide me... or get me a life started. This was going to be hard... but as hard as it was I had to remember that I _am_ Human. If not physically then mentally.

"If you ain't Human you ain't shit." I said softly with a smile before walking off into the darkness.

* * *

**Author's note:** Not even gonna lie this is not my best work. Between extended 8s, full 12s, and loosing weekends to exercise prep/de-prep I've had virtually no time to do anything other than work and sleep. I managed to scrap this together from notes I've been jotting down on my phone during breaks and at lunch. This is getting ridiculous. Anyways, the pilot episode for I.Y.A.H.Y.A.S! It only took... honestly this should've only taken a few days but it turned into a month+ long effort.

Other stuff, No Good Deed will be updated next (whenever I have time T.T), then Titan, then To Kill a God, and... maybe Pain and Suffering... or Absolute Dominion (sorry about that)... idk we'll see if I get a weekend or not.

It may have been a bit confusing to read in some places but that was intended. I wanted to make it strange because I feel that if I was blasted into a new reality like this I wouldn't be in my right mind when I got there and the lasting effects would be devastating.


	2. What Makes Close

**I.Y.A.H.Y.A.S**

**By: Absolute Edge**

* * *

**EPISODE 2**

_**'Close' only applies to horseshoes, hand grenades, and WMD's.**_

* * *

So my buddy is dead, took a belt grinder to his hands_ -couldn't get the blood off-_ and called it good. I was different after that, though, I didn't notice at first. It all just came so _naturally_ and felt so _right_ that I hadn't noticed until it was pointed out by my supervisor.

_"Lloyd, hey man come here."_

_"Aye sir, what's up?"_

_"How're you doing man? Feeling alright?"_

_"I'm fine, I guess. I'm here right?"_

_"Yeah, yeah. Listen, I heard about Clack. I know you two hung out, you alright?"_

_"Yeah, sure. I- I feel fine... I guess."_

_"Alright, cause I noticed some stuff man, just wanted to check in."_

_"Like what?"_

_"You're usually pretty chill. Always so relaxed, even when you get tasked with bullshit. But you've gotten angry lately, and, as I understand it, a bit violent."_

_"Oh... I haven't noticed. Wait, you mean earlier with Bones?"_

_"Yeah, you were holding that wrench so tight your whole hand was turning white! I was afraid you were about to cave his skull in."_

_"Nah, I was mad but... No, I was pretty mad."_

_"So, I just wanted to see how you were feeling. You know you can talk to us, here to help."_

_"Aye sir, here to help."_

I never went back to talk with him. Since then, however, I started paying attention to the responses that I had '_thought_' were normal for me. Oh God was I wrong. My insults had become abnormally cruel and my jokingly sexual comments so much more dark. I even mentioned a sexual fantasy of mine where I brutally rape one of our female co-workers but disguised it as a joke and got away with it. I think, though, that on one level or another she caught the hint because she ever so slightly avoided me for a few weeks.

It wasn't something I'd ever considered seriously before, only ever in my head, with my hand, or with my wife (you know, roll play and stuff). _Hah_, but now? Well... let me assure you it's a surprising sensation to look at someone and see them not as a living, breathing Human being but as an object to be used, abused, depleted, and disposed of. She was my friend and someone I could trust, too, but I'd have no problem with beating her unconscious with a brick and violating her repeatedly. It was strange...

Oh, something else I noticed that's strange? Burnt corpses smell delicious. We had a Russian something or other suffer a dual engine failure. Took off, got about two hundred or so feet up, and came right back down. It hit the dirt field to the right of the runway and detonated upon impact. Just... disappeared in a ball of fire. Something that big and... and it was-

Just_**.**_

_Fucking._

_**Gone.**_

I had a front row seat to the incident of course, my luck and all. I was sitting on Lima taxi-way waiting for permission to cross the active when it took off in front of me. Watched the whole thing. Needless to say, our Crash Recovery team responded to help the contractors cut the bodies of the crew out of the wreckage before cleaning up the scrap.

They were using pneumatic cutting tools and one of their truck mounted pumps had crapped out so I had to bring them a low-pac (**p**ressure **a**ir** c**art). The smell was almost overpowering but at the same time it wasn't unpleasant... at least not to me. Others were gagging and one person even vomited but I... I took a _deep_ breath and my mouth started watering.

Now, after thinking long and hard I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't a reaction to the smell of crispy Human flesh but rather to the sheer magnitude of death that had occurred. I watched seven people die in the blink of an eye and my first thought was _why didn't I record this? _However, thankfully, the internet is a fascinating place and I found a wonderful video taken by a Security Forces animal unit's dash-cam that had the absolutely perfect angle on the crash. I've watched and re-watched it dozens of times staring in awe at the sudden disappearing act as the plane was engulfed by the flames.

So, I was hungry for more. I wanted to see _more._ I wanted others to die so I could know what it was like to take a life. To stare into their eyes as precious red ichor flowed from their body, to see that little glimmer fade to nothing. I wanted to make someone suffer for the sake of it and I was perfectly alright with that.

_Perfectly._

Strange, no? Then again, I had just gone over what it meant to be, quote un-quote, _normal_ so my morality had laxed immensely -_lack thereof?_- I was justifying my desires and cravings by focusing on how there is no such thing as _normal_.

… _and spike heads aren't Human so..._

* * *

This, a_ll of thi_s, I pondered over a wet slice of meat and warm drink. It felt good in the cold air and I was happy for the bountiful meal I had found. It was good, messy but good. It was so pleasantly soothing that I began humming a tune. It just came to me but I couldn't remember the lyrics to save my life.

_SssshittisntFUCKINNNGGGHHHREAL_

Something touched my thigh. The thing weakly grabbed at me and dull points attempted to dig into my tough chitinous hide for support. The long and thin failed in their endeavor and slowly slid down to my hip before slipping off entirely and striking the ground with a deep thud. It was the sound of surrender, of total and utter defeat, where not but a scattering of dust remained from whence a strong and mighty crystal of hope once stood.

_Hope... a sad and pitiful thing._

_The first brazen step down the dark and crooked road of disappointment..._

I bit into the meat again and tore from it a generous chunk. Warm blood trickled from my mouth to my chin where it dripped slowly to my chest. Though it made a mess of my newly acquired clothing I was more inclined to sooth my angry stomach and burning throat. I chewed and looked over at the creature besides me. I swallowed the hunk of thigh and smiled at her pleasantly.

"I must say," I began as I rotated the leg in my hands to a more meaty portion, "it reminds me... of veal. Not too stringy but not tough either, you know, when it's aged just right." I tilted my head as she furrowed her brow, her mouth twitched in response but a slight line of blue crept from the corner of her mouth. "You have absolutely no idea, do you?"

_I'm different now..._

She whispered something but her voice turned into a gurgling cough as blood rose in her throat and that slight blue line turned into a pooling stream. She struggled to breath but was so weak from blood loss that she could barely move her arms let alone roll onto her hands and knees to expel the blood to make room for oxygen.

I watched her choke on her own life force with a slight smile plastered to my face and a mouthful of her left calve. I felt blood oozing from the fresh meat and slipping between my razor incisors to drool from my mouth. I licked my lips and set the section of leg down and lied down besides her propped up on an elbow and slightly leaned over to watch, slowly chewing on her meat.

_Such a little thing... such a silly little thing..._

Not once did she break eye contact _-what a good girl-_ and I got to watch that twinkle blur and fade. Those beautiful green eyes. Christ those are something out of this world. I paused and laughed once at the bizarrely appropriate irony in the thought. Her chest cavity was crushed on the right side and refused to rise as she took small breaths. It was from the rock I had used to incapacitate her, it had probably sent a shard of her upper plate into the lung. She took a breath and... that was it. I leaned in close, nearly touching, and waited for her heart to make that last pump.

There was a sound from above and I glanced upwards at the stairwell to the second floor of the small home. It sounded like... a child? Then the girl gasped and I ripped my gaze back to her. Bloodied and trembling lips whispered one word, one unintelligible word that I couldn't decipher. A name perhaps? '_Please'_ maybe?

_Change is good, I think..._

It was so fast I almost missed it but I saw it none the less. The exact moment the last neuron in her brain fired it's last command. I watched her soul flutter and die from behind those magnificent eyes. I grinned, kissed her forehead, and ran a hand over her face closing her eyes.

* * *

"Now, about that kid of yours..." I muttered standing up with a groan. I stretched out my limbs and scratched my head before heading towards the stairs leaving the mother's legless corpse on the kitchen floor.

I began humming the slow, depressing tune again as I searched for the child. The lyrics were coming back to me bit by bit but I continued humming instead. It really didn't take long to find the child and I waited for it to finish up in the bathroom. Cardinal rule of Restrooms: thou shall not speak nor make contact with thy utilizing neighbor. This was a rule I lived by because without such little rules that I impose upon myself I'd be no better than the filthy spike head downstairs.

I was leaned up against the wall with my arms crossed when I heard the telltale flush of a toilet and stopped humming. A boy, by the look of his crests, walked out rubbing his eyes but paused when he noticed me. Shockingly enough he didn't scream and I was silently thankful as I crouched down to his height. I felt blood drooling down my chin and wiped it away before speaking, didn't want to accidentally get his mother's ichor all over him while I spoke. That'd just be _rude._

"Hey there kiddo, how's it going?" I asked him putting as much of a cool tone in my voice as possible. Of course, I didn't expect him to understand what I was saying but I felt that trying to communicate would keep him from freaking out.

He said something with some clicks or... something, but he didn't sound afraid which was a plus. I gave him a crooked grin and offered him my hand which he took, surprisingly, rubbing his eye with the other. I led him to his room and tucked him in bed. Something small jumped up onto the bed suddenly causing me to flinch back. It was a little Varren.

The boy shooed the small pet away which only rolled around. I scooped up the little thing and sat down on the boys bed. The Varren struggled a little and play bit my fingers, what a silly thing. I smiled and began petting the Varren which calmed down now that it was receiving the attention it so desired.

The boy said something and looked at me expectantly. You ever had that feeling like you... you know _exactly_ what someone's trying to tell you even if you don't know what they're trying to say? _You know that one movie... with that one person who does that thing?_ That kind of crap and yet even with that shit info you know _exactly _what they're talking about? That happened just now. He's a kid, just a little kid, and what do you do when you put kids to bed? Tell them a bedtime story... sing them a bedtime song? The latter I can do and though he won't understand at least I can convey the tone.

From the furthest back I can remember I've never truly felt that my voice was my own. It's hard to explain but in the simplest of terms... I don't sound the way I expect myself too. Now that I... _wasn't_ me... my voice was far from familiar. It was disturbing to say the least. Not deep but raspy and harsh; permanent dry throat syndrome? I change my mind right quick. I chose not to sing and instead speak softly.

.

_Children, children, where are you,_

_How I wish to play with you,_

_Down below the floor I stand,_

_Looking round with ax in hand,_

_._

_When I find you we'll have fun,_

_Down below without the sun,_

_Find you soon though hide you might,_

_Under desk and out of sight,_

_._

_Here you are the fun can start,_

_Forty whacks right in the heart,_

_Children run and children cry,_

_So much fun I will not lie,_

_._

_In the dark I shine my light,_

_A twinkling of eyes at night,_

_Not too long I've found you all,_

_Bodies buried in the wall,_

_._

_As the light fades from your eyes,_

_Blood that pools now that you die,_

_Now it's time to start anew,_

_Children, children where are you,_

_._

_Children, children, where are you,_

_How I wish to play with you,_

_Down below the floor I stand,_

_Looking round with ax in hand,_

_._

_Children, children, where are you,_

_How I wish to play with you,_

_How I wish to play with you,_

_._

Though the child had fallen asleep roughly halfway through my poem I had felt the need to finish it. As the last word slipped from my lips I was hit with a sudden epiphany that caused me to hesitate and pause for an extended period. It was then, in those few moments of utter _peace_, that I realized the once furious ocean in my mind had calmed to a few rolling waves. The broken fragments of thought had assembled in _some_ semblance of order. I had accepted my loss of sanity, whatever that means anymore, and was beginning to cope.

See, _that's_ always been my one useful skill: my ability to deal with anything and adapt. Well, that and totally destroying nubs in Planetside 2, but that's way off topic and more of an exploit than a skill. Fucking stupid skill when you compare it to athletes, artists, musicians, designers, novelists, and so-_fucking_-on and so-_fucking_-forth.

Yeah, I _did_ just eat someone. To be fair it was only _part_ of someone but... here I am tucking their kid into bed and playing with their pet Varren as if nothing fucking happened at all. And why? Because _this_ is what I do best. Dealing with bullshit and -_not grinding my hands into fucking paste!_- being able to cope with the consequences.

"You're a good boy aren't you? Yes you are! _Yessss_ you are!" I scratched the little things head and let him lick it's master's blood from my fingers. "What a silly. That's what you are. A silly poo-face." I took the Varren downstairs and set him on the couch. "Now, you stay." It barked at me... or something; I related it to a bark anyways.

"I want to go play!"

"No it's bed time."

"_Noooo_! Play with _meeeeee_!"

"Fuck that, you go to bed. I'm leaving anyways."

"Oh yeah? Where you going?"

"Not sure. Not yet. Just wandering I think."

"That's _booooring_! You should go to the market and get stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"You know, stuff to kill yourself with!"

"That doesn't sound very fun."

"You know what is fun? Playing games with _meeee_!"

"No, that's not going-"

"_Pleeeease_!?"

"No stop-"

"Play with me play with me _play with me play with me_ _**PLAY WITH MEEEEE**_-" The knife thrust into it's throat shut it up good enough.

"_**STOP**_**!**" It twitched under my grip but I didn't quit ramming the blade into it's throat until it stopped moving entirely. "You just -_sssnnngh_- _stop_, just had to _**stop**_..."

I let go of the dead thing and relaxed into the couch with a sigh, subconsciously rubbing my hands on my pant legs. That felt good. Christ that fucking thing was annoying; jumpy, yippy little shit. I stood up slowly but had to grab onto the couch arm as my blood, pumped full of adrenalin from slaughtering the Varren, flooded from my head. I waited a second or two before shaking my head gently and heading off to the kitchen to fix myself a glass of cool water to sooth my hot blood.

Ah, there... a perfect example. Just ripped the life from such a young free spirit and here I am fixing myself a glass of water... This is going to get me caught soon. I know this for a fact not because of some deep inner knowledge but because of something my father used to tell me-

Y_ou can outrun the cop but you can't outrun the radio._

This is futuristic shit too. They probably already know what I look like, got my finger prints, retina scans, blood samples, and et. all. They probably know more about me than I do.

I needed a weapon, not a knife a real weapon. A gun. Not sure how to use them here... never used a mass accelerator weapon before, obviously, but I'll figure it out. Though, a gun's a gun in the end; snap, rack, and crack. That's it, literally that's all there is too it. Just-

_Snap, rack, and clack...and... and crack..._

* * *

**Author's note: **Ugh, FF was acting up with my poem. Wouldn't put the sections together with a space between line segments between them. Idk worked fine in NGD; probably because I'm using OO 4.0.1 and not MW 2013 anymore. Anyways, I'm working on a couple right now. Putting my games down for a few hours to bust out some lines. Hope this was twisted enough for y'all! Stay tuned.


End file.
